Soul Revitalisation Project Day 3

Its 1:12 am. So, technically day 4 I guess.

I don’t know where to start on today. Hmmm, so much swirling in my mind.

I slept almost ten hours last night. After a horrible first night because I only bought one blanket and dam near froze, my darling dorm buddy got sick of her little mattress and decided to sneak home at night to sleep,  and so left me her doona. I got a luxurious solid deep sleep.

I awoke feeling great, then someone spoke to me.

My mind turned into a blood bath. It was awful in there, screaming, yelling, ranting raving. Some at the person that spoke to me, but mostly at myself for not being good enough,  not being worthy. All the usual stuff. But, I was able to just sit with it. Experience it and let it slide by. It was nice to feel it slip off my mind like wet jelly on a stainless steel bench.

I had a couple of morning workshops, one of which was about unlocking my erotic code… Hmm.

After lunch, more workshops, so I plucked up my courage and went to the women’s group to explore my  ‘yoniverse’.  What a beautiful connected experience with a group of divine goddesses.  We talked and shared our hearts and together did a moving meditation that was so powerful I felt things shift deep with in me.

My body has been numb and deadened for almost half a year. Lost and hurt, I’ve closed myself completely as a defence mechanism to prevent further pain. I’ve felt myself stopped by it, felt my heart space tighten, felt my inner divine sexual centre dry and become immobilised with fear. But through this movement,  I felt myself open again. I felt my heart and my yoni connect and awaken.  Powerful divine energy flowed through me and I felt like every cell in my body realigned and a juicy liquid life force flowed through me once again. I cried howling animalistic tears of sorrow, grief and pure, blissful joy. I cried those tears for myself and my sisters, my mothers, my grandmothers and all the women before them, and I opened for them and with them to connect to the divine from all directions.

It was one of the most powerful (and completely unexpected)  experiences I have had. Something in my body literally clicked open and turned back on. I feel quite alive.

“A lover cannot be chosen a la smorgasbord. A lover has to be chosen from soul-craving. To choose just because something mouthwatering stands before you will never satisfy the hunger of the soul-self. And that is what the intuition is for; it is the direct messenger of the soul.”

I spent the evening dining with a lovely man and a very cool bunch of people.  We were in big groups, so it was a lovely social night of sharing conversation and laughter. Then watching musicians perform deep soul music from their heart. Slow Down.

*sigh*